I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?"

Festivus for the Restivus!

There's no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It's the greatest thing in the world.

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

We're all trying to get to the same island — whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive, it doesn't matter. What matters is when the red light goes on.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.