I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication...Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?"

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

But I don't want to be a pirate!

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go.