Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?"

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

I am speechless: I have no speech

I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.