Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.

I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.

The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

There's a tremendous power and energy in sharing your life with another person.