Well, sometimes we do actually have to get up early, but a man will always trade sleep for sex.

When men are growing up and they're reading about Batman, Spiderman, Superman ... those are not fantasies ... they're options.

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks.

There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.

We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything stinks. We all believe, Hey, maybe this one wont stink. We are a hopeful species. Stupid but hopeful. But were happy in that moment between the commercial and the purchase. And I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy.

I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team.

Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?