There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids.

Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.

Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.

Success is the enemy of comedy.

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.