Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

Sex to save the friendship? Well if we have to we have to.