The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

A really hard laugh is like sex-one of the ultimate diversions of existence.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!