Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

You can be passionate about anything.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.