What the hell, I'll just eat some trash.

You'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day

Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

I love advertising because I love lying.

What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet. "Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets. "What is it they think we will do? Turn 'em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.