Why would anybody want a friend?

Festivus for the Restivus!

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?

One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. It was like a revelation to me. I realized these guys don’t want to go back to work after lunch. But they’re going. That’s their job. If they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job I should be able to do the same. Trudge your ass in.

For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity - I just don't want to do that.

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go.