I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.

What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big. That's ok, your breath stinks anyway. See you later.

Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd really be listening hard, you know? I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, 'We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President.'

Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters.