A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman.

I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time.

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.

In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is.

The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life.