Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with.

Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world. Wherever women are, we have men looking into it.

A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game.

And I'll tell ya, I'm really enjoying this marriage thing. You think about each other. You care about each other. It's wonderful! Plus, I love saying 'my wife.' Once I started saying it, I couldn't stop - 'my wife' this, 'my wife' that...it's an amazing way to begin a sentence.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.