Sometimes I think more creativity is put into muffin recipes than into the rest of society combined.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in.

The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.