People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.

I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time.

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.

Our good time is sitting in a coffee shop with a newspaper, writing a line on the back of a napkin. That is the most fun comedians ever have

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.