People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.

Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

There is no more embarrassing thing in my life than the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, 'I would like to order the Ginsu Knife.'

Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door; the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, He's back. It's that guy, that same guy. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. Another can of food? I don't believe it.

I think that you think that a certain something is not all that it could be, when, in fact, it is all that it should be, and more!