Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.

The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it.

I am speechless: I have no speech

I think the answer is we all need a little help, and the coffee's a little help with everything — social, energy, don't know what to do next, don't know how to start my day, don't know how to get through this afternoon, don't know how to stay alert. We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.