It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

We got the hot fudge on the bottom.... that allows you to control the fudge distribution while you're eating your ice cream.

It's like having... you know, your phone has a charger, right? It's like having a charger for your whole body and mind. That's what Transcendental Meditation is!

People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

It reminds me of like this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend. That's what the library is. A government funded pathetic friend.