Your face looks like a sack of purple potatoes

I've been a young man. Boobs are near the center of the universe, until you turn twenty-five or so. Which is also when young men's auto insurance rates go down. This is not a coincidence.

The vampire’s true appearance was grotesque--but it wasn’t as bad as some of the things I had seen in my day. Some demons were a lot worse, and some of the Elder Things could rip your mind apart just by letting you look at them

Honest. It's almost always best to go with honest. It means you never have to worry about getting your story straight.

You're dead, son. Cheer is contraindicated.

Everybody should get to make a living with their passion.

There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm.