It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what's left?

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

I'm the first to admit this whole salary thing is getting out of control. In the final analysis, it's still about the work.

Uh uh uh, turning the car into oncoming traffic... is counterproductive!

Lots of people say if you dredge too much stuff up, you'll go crazy - "You'll go insane!" But for a comedian, insanity is not a problem. It's a goal.

That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down.'