There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

Stand-up is so rewarding, and I enjoy the acting opportunities I've had, but the only time I really feel bad is when I feel like I have this manufactured belief that I should be doing something else or there should be some type of recognition. On an intellectual level, I know it's stupid.

I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.

I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.

When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

Weight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.

My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.