The Thanksgiving tradition is, we gorge. Hey, what about at Thanksgiving we simply consume a considerable measure? However we do that consistently! Goodness. Imagine a scenario where we consume a ton with individuals who pester the heck out of us.

Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

I told my son, who's 11, "Look, I don't care if you curse - it's other people that care." So we tried that experiment, and he just cursed all the time. And I was like, "All right, now I care that you curse." You try to have this idealized view, and it's like, "I don't care." But it's just going to cause chaos.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

I don't want to be a TV star for the sake of being on TV. I want to have a TV show that's based around my comedy.