Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy."
Jim GaffiganI've been doing theaters like the Warner for about a year and we've found the earlier you get the tickets on sale the better idea you get on how many shows we will be doing.
Jim GaffiganI kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."
Jim GaffiganWe are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, โWell, at least I am not as weird as you,โ and I am thinking, โWell, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,โ and the people in the loony bin are thinking, โWell, at least I am an orangeโ.
Jim Gaffigan