I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.

It's difficult to parent one kid, let alone five! It's insane. It's this strange, overwhelming mess that I would not trade for anything. I think it's more difficult in New York City. It's not like we can hop in the minivan and go somewhere. I don't own a car. It's chaos anywhere. Being a parent is difficult. Being a son and a daughter is difficult. It's a human relationship.

I went to a Catholic University and there's something about being a Catholic-American. You know, St. Patrick's Day is, I'm Irish-Catholic. There's alcoholism in my family. It's like I've got to be Catholic, right?

Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.