When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

I don't understand the fashion industry and the appeal of it. I understand that there are some people who think it's important to them, and they're designers, they're artists, but there seems to be a disproportionate amount of our culture that's caught up in that and the red carpet stuff. It seems like there's a disproportionate amount of attention placed on that.

Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.