I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana - mafia.

How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

I'm not saying that McDonald's gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but in retrospect, the timing is kind of suspicious.

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'