I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic.

I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.

You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.