I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water, you want a shot of Jäger? You want eight of 'em?"

You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."

I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of "sit back and wait your turn," or "sit back and wait and let other people do things."