Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.

I only dated one Asian girl, but she was very Asian. She was a panda.

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.