I think the worst professional advice I received was this kind of unspoken message of "sit back and wait your turn," or "sit back and wait and let other people do things."

Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

Other people's children's birthday parties are the most joyful events you will ever resent having to attend.

There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.

Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.

But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.