I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.

I would make sweet love to Don Rickles.

Be more assertive with what you want to do.

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you. So I feel like with food, it is a passion of mine. It's where my sensibility rests. I love topics that are universal, and I love stuff that doesn't alienate people.

The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be with my wife and kids. I don't even think I'd want to go out to dinner.