I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.

I like to stay in a hotel where it's a dome of silence. I can sit in my room and do nothing.

Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.

Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work toward.

I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"