New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. I'm always like, "Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah. Here in Tokyo. ... Uh, driver, I need to go to my old stomping grounds. That would be the Holiday Inn. And the address appears to be the pound sign."

Be more assertive with what you want to do.

Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer. 'Cause the appetizer's just an excuse for an extra meal. You're always like "Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings...and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? 'Cause I don't wanna fill up too much."

Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right?