Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat.

Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.

I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that one the female?

Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.