I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here under this naïve belief that someone in Hollywood is going, "Gaffigan! What kind of a show can I build around him?" So you have to find things that can showcase your point of view.

I realize I look very hip hop but I'm really more emo with a definite Brazilian flavor.

Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane.

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].