I'm not a foodie; I'm an eatie. I don't have anything against foodies. I just don't have the time or the interest to do that much research.

I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

Gyms are always packed. The only machine available is the one that simulates the gynecological exam. You know, the Sharon Stone machine.

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.