I reached a point in my life where I didn't really like who I was.I was married to an amazing woman. I had children, and yet there was frustration.

We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’

It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'

Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.

I just want to be known as funny.