You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?

You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside.

I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.

Cancer is always funny.

I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.

I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.