After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?

My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.

If someone picks up one thing you've written, you want them to go, 'Wow, this is pretty good.'

Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best?

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.