Be more assertive with what you want to do.

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

I kind of consider myself... I mean, I try to have my comedy be accessible, and if people are paying $30 to see me in a theater and they want to have their picture taken with me, it's not the end of the world. It's one of those things, where I'm not the only comic who does it. A lot of comics do it. If I'm doing a 4,000-seat venue, it might be a little bit of a different task, but it's all good.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'

It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.