There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.

Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.

Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.

There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a prevailing conventional wisdom that I think is really wrong. That's not to say that television writers aren't great, but I think that the belief that some comedy writer's going to be able to capture your voice is naive.

I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.