Now that I'm married and have two beautiful children, it really makes me appreciate... being alone.
Jim GaffiganDo you ever leave a message for somebody and the answering machine cuts you off, and you have to decide whether you should not call back, or call back and appear like a stalker? "Hi. It's me again. I forgot to tell you that I'm going to kill you. Because I'm the freak who keeps calling and calling."
Jim GaffiganYou could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.
Jim Gaffigan