When our bed is made, it's covered in 40 pillows-like we're stockpiling ammo for the global pillow fight.

You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out."

The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?

Twitter allowed me to talk about parenting in short snippets and find out what I really wanted to say about it, which is that I'm a dad who had no idea what he's doing.

I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.

For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.