You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you." The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball." "Keep your arm straight." "You should get a vasectomy." If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"
Jim GaffiganWhenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
Jim GaffiganIn stand up, you get an awareness of how you come across, but in acting there is almost a hyper-awareness on how you might be physically perceived.
Jim GaffiganWeโre never satisfied when it comes to food. โYou know whatโd be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, letโs use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!โ
Jim GaffiganSome fast food places, they have that ketchup pump. It's like a keg. They give you the paper shot glass. I always like to hang around there, try and meet the ladies. "Here, I'll pump for you. You come to this Wendy's often? My roommate and I, we got a pony pump back at my dorm. Here's an extra shot "
Jim Gaffigan