Kale is a superfood and it’s special power is tasting bad.

My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

I've never tried fatback. Probably 'cause it's called fatback. I don't know which word creeps me out more: fat or back. Why don't they just throw in "hairy" while they're at it? "This is some delicious hairy fatback."

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.