Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.

Don't you expect a rainbow coming out of the tub of bacon strips at the end of the buffet line?

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.

The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?

When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.

I would say some of the food I talk about that I really enjoy, like cake and bacon, I eat a lot less than I portray in my act. But that stuff that I dislike, it's pretty sincere.