I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.

You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside.

Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.

Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'