You can never look that tough in glasses. ... You never see somebody push up their glasses and say, "I'm gonna kick your ass."
Jim GaffiganWeight Watchers says nothing tastes better than thin feels. I can think of a thousand things that taste better than thin feels.
Jim GaffiganI wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.
Jim GaffiganThere's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a prevailing conventional wisdom that I think is really wrong. That's not to say that television writers aren't great, but I think that the belief that some comedy writer's going to be able to capture your voice is naive.
Jim Gaffigan