I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you know when fish goes bad? It smells like fish either way! 'Hey this smells like a dumpster, lets eat it!'

The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?

I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy who gets stuck in the revolving door and thinks I should write about that.

I think that there's part of me that feels like maybe I should have been more social.

Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.

I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, I'm glad I ate that. I'm always like, I'm gonna die.

It's not as if ten years ago, we were like, 'I wish I could take low quality photos of my dessert.'