Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.

I wouldn't perform in front of the Nazis. I hear they didn't take freedom of speech too well. It would be a fun gig to rip into them, but I don't think the ending would be great for me.

Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.

No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you're out... I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter.