Ballplayers who are first to the dining room are usually last in batting averages.

I suspect guys who say, "I just send out for a sandwich for lunch," as lazy men trying to impress me.

I can't remember ever staying for the end of a movie in which the actors wore togas.

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

A puck is a hard rubber disk that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.

England produces the best fat actors.