It's not a crime to get drunk.

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure."

I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political statements and get thrown off the stage, but the last great political statement, I think, was when Michael Moore started raging against Bush a few years back. Everybody booed him, even though I can't imagine Hollywood booing a guy who's bashing Bush. That was the last great spontaneous moment on The Oscars.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.