As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

I love Martin Scorsese, but there's another indication of what The Oscars are all about. They've ignored Martin Scorsese for going on 35 years now, and I wouldn't be surprised if they passed him over again. He'll get one of The Oscars they give you at the end of your life because they feel guilty for never giving you an Oscar.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.