As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our idea of ourselves. They uplift the human spirit. That's why horror films never even get nominated.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.