Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel those people in from Palm Springs and hook up their IVs and they vote. The people that go to movies are under the age of 28, for the most part, so there's this total disconnect between what the Academy thinks is a great movie and what the audience actually wants to see.

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

It's not a crime to get drunk.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.