A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel those people in from Palm Springs and hook up their IVs and they vote. The people that go to movies are under the age of 28, for the most part, so there's this total disconnect between what the Academy thinks is a great movie and what the audience actually wants to see.

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.